Day 24 A Blog I Didn't Want To Post But Feel Obliged To (And A Song To Go With It)

Well let's hope it's not any time soon.

I went through a phase a couple of years ago where I didn't think much of myself. There were reasons for this, mostly mistakes I'd made in both my school and personal lives. Regardless of cause the outcome was the same: I had low self-esteem. There are, of course, benefits to having low self-esteem: you never disappoint yourself. So while I've had a good run at being high on self-esteem I think it's rather more simple to be more realistic about my aims in life.

I've wanted to be a writer for a very very long time. There are somethings people are born to do. That was my thing. However it seems that the world neither enjoys nor cares for my epic prose and while I continue to write for my own amusement it seems foolish to pretend that I expect any sort of career to come of it. My problem is not that I am not talented but that I am surrounded by people far more talented than I could ever hope to be. I am, if nothing else, humbled by them rather than jealous: it is impossible to appreciate their skills without admiration for the people themselves.

I have yet to apply for Journalism in DCU, DIT or even get my personal information together for NUIG. Why? Because I'm terrified. I am genuinely terrified of what refusal will do to me. I don't take rejection well. Right now I am paralyzed by the sight of essay titles that where it not for surgery I would have completed by now. Because I have almost resigned myself to failure. It's an awful state when you detest the very person you've become: ignorant, arrogant, pathetic.

Vampire Weekend - Mansard Roof

Day 23 A Song I Should Have Posted Yesterday

Today UCD Football take on the Belfast Trojans in what could be described as UCD's toughest game yet. UCD lost more than their pride in a 56-6 loss to UL Vikings two weeks ago and now find themselves critically short of players due to injury. So what will prevent a third loss in a row? My argument would be pass protection: it will be critical to keep QB Colin O'Meara safe and more importantly give him time to make the pass. With UCD's supply of linemen running low this may be a big ask. However from watching the UCD/TCD game way back when it is clear that UCD merely need to get the basics right for a victory today. Doubtless Belfast are an experienced team, however there is no reason why UCD can't piece together a victory if they keep their heads and everyone knows their jobs.

In other news I've missed a rake of things this last while because I'm recovering. Sorry to all people who've felt let down by my appendix, trust me, he won't be bothering you again. The discomfort from the entry cuts is starting to ebb away anyway, really looking forward to Wednesday when I get the staples out.

I ordered an Aaron Rogers jersey yesterday; I'm a Giants fan at heart but gotta admit I love the Packers too: something very endearing about the fact that the people of Wisconsin own them rather than some super rich chap.

Franz Ferdinand - Katherine Kiss Me

Day 22 A Song I Listen To When Recovering From An Appendectomy

Hey guys, been a while. I've had a large amount of things on my already over-flowing plate this past while so I haven't been able to keep you updated on things. I've got a large chunk of my essays out of the way but I've one or two still knocking around. Only 5000 words left to write in assignments for my undergraduate degree. Madness? I think so. It's hard to believe this moron will soon be in possession of a piece of paper indicating his commitment to education. 4 years of my life for a degree.

Speaking of which I've been conditionally offered an MA in Media and International Conflict in UCD which I'm chuffed with because it's the one I really wanted. Only heard about it on Tuesday night - "So Conor, why has it taken you so long to tell us?", you ask.

As many of you know I had appendicitis way back at the end of January, royally ruining my college football career and my plans to get essays out of the way in the first few weeks of term leaving me with acres of space to get study done and relax coming up towards the exams. It was not to be however. Anyway despite having arranged my appendectomy for 13th of April my appendix decided that it warranted my attention before that thus I spent Tuesday night in the Beacon Hospital recovering from keyhole surgery. I felt nothing yesterday but today there's a bit of discomfort moving; probably need more morphine. Anyway they chucked me out yesterday, apparently there's no need for me to stay two nights and I'm at home now. Visitors welcome as always.

So there's hope for me to get my essays done it seems and even return to football for (possibly) the last three games of the season. I'm delighted it's all over to be honest.

BIG SHOUT OUT TO UCD FOOTBALL, the lads are off to Belfast to play the Trojans on Sunday. I know they'll do a class job and reel us in our first win of the season.

The Strokes - Taken For A Fool

Day 21 A Hymn I Listen To When I've Lost Someone

Ad majorem Dei gloriam

This blog post is dedicated to the memory of Gerry Haugh.

Gerry was my English teacher from 2001-2007 and yet he seemed to be much more than that. He was an institution in Belvedere College and whether you'd see him in class, in the yard at break or at one of his shows he always gave an air of caring about what he did. He was a proponent of what you might call the old school, it was not unusual to see him in old schoolmasters' robes something which set him apart from his contemporaries.

Gerry gave so much to Belvedere, whether it be the 100 productions he put on with the Dramatic Society or in helping out with the Block-pull. He was also an inspiring teacher and the reason I began to write in earnest in the first place. Words can not describe the deep sadness that has taken hold of me since hearing the news. It seems that I, much like the countless others, believed he would always be there.

Only In God

Day 20 A Song I Listen To When I'm Angry

I'm permanently angry. Seriously considering getting rid of this list and starting my own. Right so, things that have happened since our last encounter: UCD lost to UL 56-6 (that's 6 points better than last year), one more essay finished leaving me with four, Smedia shortlists came out (congrats to sarahisnothere), and I've deleted my facebook account.

Despite my original enthusiasm for the idea I have somewhat taken my foot out of the journalism door and it is now open a crack because I've left one toe in. It's not pleasant learning your own limitations however if my time in UCD has taught me anything it is that I am neither gifted nor talented, I am painfully average. As such in a world so already full of average and god-awful writers there is little place for me to find my spot. I needed to grow up and realise that I (much like Social Circuit) was only fooling myself with dreams of success. I should be used to second place at this stage.

My date for surgery has been finalised as April 13th, a Wednesday. I'll only be in hospital two nights (in the Bons Secours if anyone feels like visiting).

Al Pacino - Speech

I wonder who'll read this now that I haven't facebook to link you to it...

Day 19 A Song From My Favourite Album

As you probably know already I was down and out with appendicitis in February, rough time blah blah but it's over now. Or is it... I was enjoying a leisurely stroll around the Natural History Museum in London and apparently I can do fuck all without setting it off again. So after a brief and not at all enjoyable trip to the doctor last night I've been told to ease of exercise, spicy and fried food and have a very lazy weekend. Thus no more Chinese food for Conor and no more running for Conor. Not only that but he has 5 essays to do over the next three weeks. Life's a beach.

London was awesome though. It's the first time I've really been there since I was about 10. The Imperial War Museum was probably my favourite part (got to show Sarah up on my knowledge of WWII tanks and equipment). Did all the usual site seeing business so the only real let down was the hotel. Managed to get a burger in a place recommended to me by Esquire - Bryon - if you ever get a chance head there for some awesome eats.

More bad news. I got a letter yesterday giving me a roundabout date for my surgery. 13th of April which was a good two weeks later than I'd hoped. Difference is I'm going to a fancy private hospital this time. I should only be in for about 4 days but the recovery period is likely to be up to 2 weeks for normal walking and somewhere between 4-6 weeks for sporting recovery. This means I will have effectively missed my whole season. I'm absolutely devastated over the whole thing but no one seems to understand why. I guess it's because I've wanted to play for nearly 3 years and I felt I had just found my place on the team when I went down. Reality is: back probably to watch the Cork game on 22 May and hopefully playing by 11 June against the Dragons. So UCD football do me a favour - destroy Limerick this weekend - I need you to get to the playoffs.

Led Zeppelin - When The Levee Breaks

Day 18 A Song I Wish I Heard On The Radio

Who listens to the radio anymore? I've worked on a radio station and believe me, very very few do. It's mad how much an iPod and speakers has taken over from the traditional radio. People want to hear what they want to hear and that's it. The appreciate for waiting for the right song is being lost with all this new technology.

Today TCD were the victors, not that that means much. A mix of shoddy refereeing and luck won them the game. I know that's easy to say coming from someone who plays for UCD but it's how it was. That's not to say that UCD didn't get its share of calls that went their way - the refereeing was poor overall. Two touchdowns and two two-point conversions saw UCD 16-14 in the middle of the second half. A returning kickoff touchdown gave TCD the game 20-16. Yet TCD who had came into the game fully prepared to walk all over UCD found themselves stumped in the second half. Their offence failed to find its rhythm and the line let through a number of easy sacks. A last ditch effort to save the game in the closing minute ended with an incomplete pass. TCD instead of kneeling on the football and accepting victory with grace decided to run the football with an aim to embarrassing UCD on home ground. The defence held. There was no doubt in my mind who won the game despite the scoreline.

Pixies - Where Is My Mind

Day 17 A Song I Hear Often On The Radio (When I'm looking to get psyched)

Ever wonder what happened to the humble Time Out? It's been relegated to the multi-pack zone which is the chocolate bar equivalent of Division 1 football. Not that it makes much difference to the Irish Cadbury's anyway: they only make Dairy Milk here as far as I know. All of our Easter eggs are imported from the UK, even the ones with GAA sponsorship.

Anyway at last I've seen someone complain about the 30 Day Challenge. When will people get tired of it? I've noticed myself easing off in the past few days and have just realised the problems my London trip on Monday is going to cause. Guess I'll make up for it on Wednesday or Thursday when I get around to turning on my laptop. Still I'm kinda surprised that I've kept going this long, a lot of people get to about Day 5 and give up, forget or get a life outside of Facebook.

Sunday is the big day: TCD @ UCD in a match that has already been described as on this Sunday. It will be a cracker of a game and there's everything to play for. TCD supposedly hold the upper hand but, let's be honest, if UCD had been at the College Championship there would have been a different outcome. Expect deep passes, medium passes, short passes and a running game! Expect interceptions (loads of them), sacks (even more of these), forced fumbles (one or two would be nice), incompletions and returning touchdowns from the Defence! This is our time.

Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name (of UCD Football)

Day 16 A Song I Used To Love But Now I Hate

Today has been a good day for the most part, busy at least. I'm getting through my first essay at least. Madden 2010 is waiting for me downstairs but I'm being good and finishing my essay first. Starting to feel the nerves with Sunday coming on. It's the weirdest feeling in the world because I can't change the outcome, I'm not playing. Still no date on my appendectomy but I'm hoping it's by the end of March so I can get back training fairly quickly.

This Challenge is seriously tough, I just don't learn to hate songs - I either love them more or get tired of them. I fail to understand why there's so much negativity in this! No one cares what song I don't like surely. Unless it's something like Nirvana or Radiohead which people always seem to get up in arms over.

The Beastie Boys - No Sleep Till Brooklyn

Day 15 A Song That Describes Me

Right gang a quick one today because I know you're getting tired of having to scroll further down the blog to get to the good stuff.

Carly Simon - You're so Vain

Day 14 A Song That No One Would Expect Me To Love

"Man, I'm so indie I defy all expectations by even talking to you. I'm totally not down with this 'expectations' business, I'm well above caring what other people think." is what any pretentious ponce who hangs in the Workman's Club, smokes rollies and reads Pitchfork would say. Me, on the other hand, well let's just say people expect me to like "good music" most of the time despite my very precise tastes.

To know what people wouldn't expect me to love I'd really need to know what people think I love in the first place. To be honest people aren't that open at discussing my horrible music tastes in front of me so that's a little difficult to pin down. Someone called me "a dour fucker" today, supposedly that means stern, harsh, gloomy, sullen. I wasn't aware that I'd garnered such a reputation for being gloomy and sullen. I don't think being stern was really what he was getting at, I have a laugh with the guy. Harsh? Harsh but fair that's my take on it, besides, they probably deserve it in the first place.

So I need a song that is upbeat, cheerful and so forth.

ABBA - Waterloo

I love me some ABBA

Day 13 A Song That Is A Guilty Pleasure

I wondered when I'd stumble upon some musical snobbery because there's nothing else I love complaining about more. I'm not, however, going to complain today; this blog needs more happiness than I've been tending to it. Right. Time to be cheerful. God I hate this.

The problem is I've no guilty pleasures because, quite frankly, if I like it I like it and it really doesn't bother me what other people think when it comes to music. I wish I had some great secret to tell you all like I'm a closet Ringo Starr post-Beatles-pre-Thomas-The-Tank-Engine fan, but readers please; you knew that already.

I also love 80s ballads, there's nothing quite like a bit of Journey, REO Speedwagon, Van Halen. Those guys knew how to kick back with some cheesy stuff. So here's some vintage ballad tune:

Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar On Me

Their drummer has only one arm. Tomorrow will be better. Promise